Robin Uthappa, India batsman opened up his battles with clinical depression and revealed that between 2009 and 2011, he had suicidal thoughts everyday. Speaking in a session of the Royal Rajasthan Foundation’s platform – ‘Mind, Body and Soul’. The right-handed batsman said, “I wasn’t consciously aware of myself when I made my debut in 2006. Since then a lot of learning and development has happened. Right now, I’m really aware of myself and clear on my thoughts and myself. It’s easier for me to catch myself now if I slip somewhere.’
Robin Uthappa shared his experience during the interview, “I feel that I’ve reached this place because I’ve been through those tough phases in which I’ve been clinically depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I remember it was constant around 2009 to 2011 and I would deal with it on a daily basis.
The cricketer mentioned, “There were times where I didn’t even think about cricket, it was probably the most distant thing in my mind. I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what’s going on in my life and in what direction I’m heading.
He disclosed further, “Cricket kept my mind off these thoughts but on non-match days and during the offseason,it became very difficult. On days I’d just sit there and think about myself on the count of three, I’m going to run and jump off the balcony but something kind of just held me back.”
Uthappa further added that he began to maintain a diary and also sought outside help in learning about himself as a person. He said during the interview, “It was when I started to write this down in a diary about myself and began the process of just knowing myself as a person. I then began to seek help from outside to make those changes that I wanted to make in my life.”
Uthappa, who was part of the winning squad of India in 2007 T20I World Cup, further said negative thinking is important for a player’s growth. “I sometimes feel the need to be negative. I am someone who believes in the balance of life and I believe that one can not be optimistic in life at all times. Being negative or having negative experience, going through trials and tribulations is sometimes necessary for one’s own growth.”
He mentioned in the sharing session, “All my experiences have developed me into the person I am today and I have no regrets about my negative experience because they have helped me grow positively.
The 34-year-old batsman added, “You need to go through the lulls to feel excited about the positives. I feel that life is about balance and we can’t have it one way, a lopsided life won’t be perfect, both negative and positive experiences are important.”
